I was laid off from my job of thirteen and a half years this past Friday, December 19th. I was in shock first and that gave way to disbelief, followed by bitterness and then resignation that I was no longer part of the productive throng of the world. I currently run the gamut of emotions from depression, anxiety, hopefulness, despair, and back to hopefulness. As a diabetic that is insulin dependent and also take medication, a big concern is the cost of my meds. I no longer have insurance. I can't see my doctor because just her office fee is seventy dollars. I believe un-employment funds are only a third of your paycheck. That won't cover my meds, the mortgage, health insurance, etc. I did have a bit of money saved and that will help. And I am Blessed to have my Faith that keeps me strong and my family and friends that are the life-line to much needed support.
It's a strange, disconnected feeling....not being employed. It would have been nice if this had come closer to my retirement age. But it didn't. I suppose the ideal word for the feeling is...... Surreal. I think a good description is being pushed off the firm, earthy footing of a hill and suddenly be suspended in air, with nothing underneath you. Nothing. What lies below?
I'm living in surreal days and surreal nights. I hope to get much writing done. Don't they say that starving artists are the most creative? Don't they say that strife and hard times bring out the creativity? Does that mean that rich people can't be artists?