Thursday, October 14, 2010

Without my Mom, What Remains of Me?

My mom passed away on the morning of October 5th, 2010. I was there in the hospital room, holding her hand when she passed through the light and into HIS loving arms. She was everything to me. This is one of my favorite pictures of me with my mom. We'd just finished unwrapping Christmas presents and I was tucked into my pajamas for the night. I don't remember how old I was but I know that the silver plated horn became a long time companion. No, I never learned how to play a horn professionally, but I sure enjoyed play acting like I knew what I was playing on it! And the toy cash register was fun for awhile until I figured out no one was going to give me real money to play with.

I look at this little snapshot from the late fifties or early sixties and I want to just pretend that some of those Twilight Zone episodes could come true and I could actually go back into that photograph and be right there.....right then.....with my mom and my family. My father is gone. My mom is now gone. I am frightened.

I have no interest in writing. The emptiness I feel inside may cause me to stray from writing. I've had my serious bouts of giving up the writing and concentrating on other things in the past and I suspect this may sever me completely from the barely glowing embers of my passionate affair with writing. I may seek diversion in something more immediate. Instant gratification might be what I need right now and writing doesn't provide me with that. Who knows.

I know this particular blog is just a way for me to express what I'm feeling right now and not really anything many of you will be interested in. Please hold on to all the moments you can capture with your parents if they are still alive.....or with family and loved ones.